Don't worry I am confused too. Aug 29, 2016

I need to write in my journal more because so much happens every week and my weekly emails never do it justice. 

On Tuesday we got up bright and early (it was at 4 am.. so it was actually really dark..) to see Sister Turner off. And then Sister Peterson and I HIT THA PAVEMENT. It was weird for a little bit not having three of us because lets be real being in a trio is always a party. But I think that we have gotten into more of a flow now that we have had a couple of days. we still get lost all the time because of a dinky but FREE gps that one of the members gave us that we haven't really figured out how it works yet. We had a dinner with one of our senior members at Applebees and we had to call her and ask for directions. Which is sad because Freeport only has like.. 3 big roads and we still couldn't find it. 

Anyways we got there and had our Dinner with the member. Her name is Mary Lou and she is really cute and really old and always wears green "because its God's favorite color" and I LOVE HER. She is probably the sassiest lady I have ever met. And she is a total pioneer. she is one of the original members of the Freeport ward. In fact she was a member here before it was even a ward. or a branch honestly. And she helped build and raise money via baked goods for the church building that we have today. INCREDIBLE. 

--Ok I could go on about other things that happened this week but as I was typing about Mary Lou I just felt so happy and so much love and I think that is what I want to talk about right now. Sister Peterson has been able to teach me a lot about how to serve with my heart. I have been out on my mission for 6 months and I feel like I have been serving with all my mind might and strength but not so much my heart. Even before my mission I think I was pretty wishy washy with people and a lot of my relationships and for a really long time I have felt like for whatever reason I wasn't being ~real~ with people if that makes sense.. And I am starting to realize with the help of sister Peterson that I hold most people back a little bit. And it is for no reason other than the fact that I know I am this gross mushy person who cries like ALL the time. And I really honestly don't feel like doing that. BUT now I am at a point in my mission where I see the difference between teaching an investigator and teaching a person. Like, these are PEOPLE. these are our BROTHERS AND SISTERS. I dunno. what I am trying to say is that I am trying to love people more because it is better. It is easier not to. Its easier to not open up, and to kind of breeze through life feeling luke warm all the time and pretty indifferent about everything. but then you are going to go through your whole life and die alone. ALONE. OK wow sorry. I have been studying the plan of salvation a lot and relating it to the mission. and how my life before the mission is like the pre existence. and my mission is the earth life and when you get here you are "born" aka I was born in Wheaton and all that crazy stuff that missionaries say that no one else knows what they are talking about. And I will have my own personal Gethsemane and Refiners Fire and Sermon on the Mount and things like that. I was reading this talk titled To Die Well https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1976/10/to-die-well?lang=eng&cid=email-shared and it talks about what kind of person do you want to be when the last hour of your life arrives and I've been thinking a lot about the kind of missionary I want to be when the last hour of my mission arrives and what that will look like and what I need to do to get there. and I don't want to leave my mission  having only formed like 300 acquaintances because I kept everything surface level. I WANT FRIENDS. I WANT TO LOVE THE PEOPLE. and I don't know how. and sister Peterson is so Christlike and so wise and is like here I will help you and I am like what no don't touch me you are like 3 months old I am supposed to be helping you and then I humble myself and say ok. It has been weird but Sister Peterson and I balance each other out really well. She gets pretty stressed out and OCD and I don't get that stressed. And she is this spiritual loving giant and I am just here trying to figure out how to even teach people (ok side note for real I have taught SO MANY PEOPLE since I have been in freeport it is insane. I think I have again doubled the amount of lessons I have taught in these past four transfers  with just the lessons I have taught since being here in freeport.) Anyways it is obvious that this companionship is Divine. and that God knows what our goals are and helps us accomplish them. There are things I am supposed to teach sister Peterson and there are things she is supposed to teach me. and there are things we are supposed to teach the people of freeport together. 

I think we can all agree that this email got weird. but it is the one I felt like writing today. I hope some fragment of it made sense to some one and that it didn't make me sound like a heartless monster.

have a good week and open your heart and it shall be filled

BYE

😎sister Madsen 

We had a lesson out in Pearl City aka the place where paved roads don't exist,

And we had an appointment at this sandwich place.. That was also an antique store??

Everything in Freeport is a weird combination of something (ex: cornfields and gangs)and I love all of it